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PURITY TEST | |
Purity, citizen, is the most wonderous gift we humans have! Without it, we would be no better than the deviant scum who threaten our very existance every day! But what if you're feeling a little unsure about your purity. Well, there's always the hair shirt, of course, or you can simply take this Purity Test! Remeber, answer all questions honestly - The Inquisition will know if you don't...
| QUESTION 1 | |
| You are making your way home after an honest days work in service of Torquemada, when you happen across a wounded alien. Do you: | |
| A) | Try and befriend the creature so you can attempt to heal it |
| B) | Ignore it and continue on your way |
| C) | Find the nearest Terminator patrol and report your finding |
| D) | Slay the foul deviant where it lays |
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| QUESTION 2: | |
| Your neighbour and friend of twenty years invites you to dinner one evening. During the meal, he happens to make a flippant anti-government remark. Do you: | |
| A) | Laugh along with him |
| B) | Frown disapprovingly, but don't mention it again |
| C) | Hold him in his apartment until the Thought Police arrive |
| D) | Accuse him of being a deviant lover and form a lynch mob with other residents from your stalscraper |
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| QUESTION 3: | |
| During a visit to your elderly Grandmother, you discover she was once a part of the Torquemada-hating movement 'Women Against Torquemada.' Do you: | |
| A) | Ask to hear more tales of her daring |
| B) | Excuse her outburst on the grounds of approaching senility |
| C) | Report her to the nearest Terminator garrison and let them deal with her |
| D) | Have her immediately commited to an asylum for her obvious insanity |
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| QUESTION 4: | |
| A Terminator patrol enters your apartment in the middle of the night for a random deviant check. Do you: | |
| A) | Protest at this obvious breach of your privacy |
| B) | Remain quiet throughout the search, but protest vehemntly after the patrol has left |
| C) | Remain quiet throughout the search then proceed with your normal nights rest when the patrol has left |
| D) | Remain quiet throughout the search, then write a congratulatory letter to Torquemada, saying how much of a pleasure it was to have been subjected to such a check, and what a fine job he's doing of keeping your wonderful planet free of deviants. |
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| QUESTION 5: | |
| Your husband/wife begins to show an unhealthy fascination in deviation and the resistance movement 'Credo.' Do you: | |
| A) | Begin to take an interest yourself in a bid to increase marital bliss |
| B) | Ignore it, believing it's only a phase that they're going through |
| C) | Report them immediately to the authorities |
| D) | Escort them personally to the nearest Terminator garrison and turn him/her over, proclaiming them an alien lover |
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| QUESTION 6: | |
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One morning, you awake to find yourself in the alien Garden of Delights, surrounded by strange and bizarre sights. Standing before you, in all his slimy glory, is the Arch-Deviant himself. He and his various demonic minions accuse you of being part of the human disease which they have sworn to destory, but offer you one chance to repent your sins. Do you: |
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| A) | Immediately repent and ask for a tour of the Garden, so you can savour its wonders |
| B) | Close your eyes and keep telling yourself this is just a bad dream |
| C) | Inform The Warlock that you embrace your humanity whole-heartedly and there's nothing he can do to your mind or body that will change this |
| D) |
Find something you can use as a weapon and proceed to attack the deviants, proclaiming that you'll kill them all before you renounce your purity |
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| QUESTION 7: | |
| While visiting the Lube-Tube 'Smarts' you happen to notice a strange gentleman at the bar. On closer inspection, you discover he is in fact a Goth who has somehow managed to infiltrate our planet, and now wants to be accepted as human. Do you: | |
| A) | Welcome the visitor and offer to buy him a drink |
| B) | Return to your business and leave the alien to his own devices |
| C) | Tell the barman to alert the authorities immediately, then detain the alien |
| D) | Pick up the nearest glass or bottle and attack the deviant, then, after it's dead, report the barman to the authorities for serving it |
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| QUESTION 8: | |
| Your son expresses an interest in joining The Terminators in their next glorious crusade. Do you: | |
| A) | Try and talk him out of it by convincing him that not all aliens are evil |
| B) | Ignore him, and hope this is simply a phase he's going through |
| C) | Encourage him to play his part in the glory of the Empire |
| D) | Go with him to the nearest recruitment building so you may both join the next crusade and slay deviants side by side |
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| QUESTION 9: | |
| A long time friend returns from a holiday in the far reaches of the Empire. They show you a small alien which they found while walking and claimed as their pet. Do you: | |
| A) | Play with the creature and befriend it, perhaps even offer to take it for a walk every now and then |
| B) | Warn your friend about the dangers of having such a creature here on Terra |
| C) | Report the alien to the authorities |
| D) | Kill the deviant and hand it's foul corpse and your friend over to The Terminators so they can take their place in The Vats |
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| QUESTION 10: | |
| The Grand Master himself approaches you to embark on a quest that will take you out to the far reaches of the galaxy. It is a dangerous quest, he tells you, and there will be much to fear. However, it means you will be forced to leave your family behind, and you may never see them again. Do you: | |
| A) | Refuse, telling him that you will play no part in his tyrannical empire |
| B) | Refuse, telling him you have to take care of your family |
| C) | Accept, but tell him about your concerns for your family |
| D) | Accept without question |
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| How did you do? |
| I answered mostly A... |
| I answered mostly B... |
| I answered mostly C... |
| I answered mostly D... |
| Torq-In | The Family Album | Terminator College | The Bestiary |
| The Vats | The Mausoleum | Travel Tubes | Recommended Reading |
| Purity Test | Words of Wisdom | The Gift Shop | Black Hole Bypass |
